I Suck?

"hey buddy, didn't pick up tonight? HAHA YOU SUCK! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Artists rendition of suburban assalant

It's three in the morning with a total stranger making fun of me while hanging out the window of a suburban as it goes peeling off down the street. I've had so many whiskey shooters that I can't feel my legs (or my face). And there is mud all over my pants. My date has went home with another guy. My friends have split off for home. And Where are my keys? Fuck. How did I get here?

Perhaps we should start at the beginning ....

I decide that I should go on a date. You know, can't mope forever. So I invite this girl out to a bbq and to the bar afterwards. We get to the bbq and things are fine - do the meet and greet ...... and do a copious amount of rye shooters. By the end of the night everyone is doing shooters with me because I have this new 'turkey hand shake' that I do after having a shooter and make gobbling noises. Credit goes to Parker and the Wild Turkey Club for this entertaining activity. Oddly enough - gets you drunk too. End up wrestling with Gerri, rolling her thru the mud in the backyard.

And then we head to the bar.

We get there and my date starts hitting one of my friend's friend. He is all over her and shes lapping it up - right in front of me! Nice. so I turn to the girl beside me and say "looks like my date picked up tonight! wanna go dance? Spend the rest of the night two-steppin, because by god, I came out to two-step. Also try to be a wingman for one of the guys that came to the BBQ. His first lesson was to lie about his age - no 29 year old woman wants to dance with an 18 year old. And no, saying 22 is not lying enough.

My date sure is friendly! ..... with guys (actual photo)

Night ends and the bar empties. My date goes home with her new man friend and my other friend hooks up with a girl that came with us. So I'm left to walk home by myself

I start walking and some asshole yells out his suburban window "hey buddy, DIDN"T PICK UP TONIGHT???? HAHAHA YOU SUCK!!" and peels off!! This is when I realize that my keys are in my friends car - so I can't get into my apartment. I eventually flag down a cab - he asks where I'm going. I have a friend in marda loop area, but don't remeber where it exactly is. So he drops me off and I wander the houses looking for the right one. When I get there the door is locked and no one is answering. fuck.

"Hey, why you gotta be like that???

FINALLY a guy from the bbq hears the doorbell and lets me in. I curl up on the couch pretty bitter

But then I had to giggle (a bit). What a weird night.

"Yes, I'll take two please"