Dude, Where's My Car?
I would describe my weekend as "interesting".To begin, I treked up to Edmonton for my cousin's wedding. Went up friday and did the rehearsal, decorating, rehearsal dinner, etc, etc.
Now here where it gets interesting - Mandy is in town and I really want to take her on a date. Thing is .... guys in the wedding are all going to a strip joint. I can't/won't bail on something like that. So what do I do? I take Mandy on our first date to the strippers!
Now kudos to Mandy, she took it all in stride. She was a little surprised when we sat down and the dancer popped the bottom of her bikini off. I explained that it wasn't a costume malfunction. I also explained why the dancer put a poster in her butt and guys were trying to knock it loose with loonies. Gotta love a girl that can let that slide. We even drank rye & cokes while playing Buck Hunter near the back! The rest of the guys in the wedding party were amazed and amused with my tenacity of bringing a (first) date to the strippers. And after seeing how she reacted, they all tell me to marry her.
But now for our second date. I take it up a notch, not out of effort, but because I am stupid. I go to pick up Mandy for another date and she gives me her address of her hotel. I jot it down and make an effort to navigate the downtown of Edmonton.
This proves to be a task.
I get all turned around while trying to drive and am getting frusturated with roads blocked off, construction, and one way streets. So I make a horrible decision. I stash my car in a side parking lot and start to walk....
Now I start walking and think I'm on the wrong street, no - now I'm on the wrong avenue, maybe I shoud cross the street? After ten minutes of walking I stop in the middle of my tracks. And realize a horrible fact. I forgot where I parked.
Fuck me! it's been one, long, god-damn-miserable-shit-ass-fucking-day. I don't know where my fucking car is! So I get frantic and start walking as fast as I can downtown - desparate to find my car. I have a date I need to go to! And then the clouds start to rumble and the darkness grows. Night is falling and it's gonna rain. Fuck.
It's now been forty minues of me walking around and I feel like crying. Kinda like when you were little and lost your mom in the grocery store. Had bouts of rage too, mad at myself for suffering a mini-stroke like I did, and also vowing to hunt down and eat the children of every fucking Edmonton city planner that architected this concrete hell. Real emotional roller coaster. Here's a sample of my thought process:
"okay, where did you leave your car last?"
"fuck, if I knew THAT, I wouldn't be looking for my fucking car would I?"
"I want to cry"
"you candy-ass, can't take you nowhere!"
"....well, I remember .... a sidewalk .... and trees ...."
"yeah, just like every fucking street downtown here. Fuck you're useless! USELESS!!"
"Gonna get our asses kicked by those latinos that I seem to always cross paths with."
"yup."
"hey, if we don't find it, where are we gonna stay tonight. Under that fat drunk for warmth perhaps?"
"don't make me think of that. Be positive!"
"I hate Edmonton.... it .... it has my preeccioousss"
"must focus .... sanity slipping ....."
"Hi Mandy .... it's Kent.... yeah ..... I have bad news and some good news. Good news is, is that I found your place! Bad news is, is that I lost my car in the process ..... yes, my car ..... my car ..... you'll come and help look? great!"
So Mandy and I meet up and take a romantic walk downtown with the drunks and homeless to look for my car. We eventually bum a ride off a friendly taxi guy that takes us to a mall to watch a movie. I give up on the car, and decide to fuck it and enjoy my date with this incredibly attractive and understanding girl. But we get to the movies and all of them have started. So we wander the closed mall hallways and end up watching the rain from a big leather chair in one of the seating areas overlooking the downtown. End up staying there till a little after 11.
And I will say hands down it was the best date I have ever been on.
I walk Mandy to her hotel and then trek over to a friend's who luckily lives near downtown and slept on his floor. Got up at 7:30 and went back downtown to do a grid search for my car. I eventually find it and almost burst into tears of happiness. I skip over to it like a fag to his lover and give it a big hug and giggle. Bystanders hurry by. 
