2 Fast 2 Furious

I sit here with a coat-check ticket and eyes so dry they are sticking to my eyelids. And my belly hurts. Last night I, Kent Kobi, demonstrated my awesome destructive powers ..... It started off with a bang .... and kept on banging.

Howard and I went over to one of his female friend's place that was having a few people over. I didn't have time for supper - so the rye, which I will refer to as BOOST! for the rest of this article, hit me like a two-footed-double-dragon-snap-kick.

Tis I, Kobi!!, and I have drank alot of crazy elixir!!

I'm soon singing Little Mermaid songs and telling a girl that I am going to fight her because she doesn't like anything I do. Doesn't like Rye and doesn't like The O.C! Kristin phones to ask where we are going tonight and I explain to her that I have found my arch nemisis. The Anti-Kobi. I ask the girl what she likes .... and before she answers I tell her that I hate that.

I also go thru the crowd of girls and tell them which ones are my best friends and which ones are not. Not exactly spitting magic at the ladies. One girl, Mindy, likes the O.C. tv show - so i tell her she's my best friend. But then she says something else that disagrees with me - so I tell her our friendship is now off. I'm now firing on all cyclinders with the BOOST!

We head to a bar called NY LA. This proves to be comical.

Everyone in the bar is black and decked out with bling-bling and thug wear. I am wearing my UFA shirt that used to be my grandpa's and my work boots. Picture a farm kid in the middle of a rap video .... drunker than anyone else in the bar ..... never leaving the dance floor except for more BOOST! FUBU meets UFA.

I have a mis-cue with one of the steps down to the dance floor and begin what only can be described as a slow-motion, self take-down. As I'm falling, I'm already getting embarassed and by the time I finish my descent - I've already apologized to everyone around and laugh while I'm lying on my back. Mike helps me up from my tip-over and my rampage continues ... more BOOST!

As a side note, I think I'm going to write a letter to NY LA explaining, as a valued customer, I have concerns about them painting steps black. I'm sure that has to be a safety violation of some sort.

ANYWAYS, thinking I am being an amazing wingman - I start dancing with this girl's friend that I think Howard likes. I am a good friend! ..... But this proves not to be the case. The dancing becomes dirty and my over-participaction in this evening is reaching Tazmanian Devil status. BOOST! for everyone! I am then informed that I have made a gross error. The girl I'm dancing with is not the friend of the girl that Howard likes - it IS the girl that Howard likes. my bad. Kristin takes the role of parole officer and makes sure i don't fuck up anymore.

*hiccup* best wingman EVER!!!

SO I dirty dance with Kristin and apparently some other girls too. This can neither be confirmed or denied by myself personally. As a side note, I am apparently a jerk.

And the BOOST! keeps flowing like wine.

Howard recovers from my unintended sabotage and is back on track with the lady friend. He asks if I will stay at Kristin's tonight as the lady friend will be coming over to watch a movie (and no, not what you think, get your mind out of the gutter). I tell him I will not go home with Kristin, but instead will go to MY apartment and sleep in my closet. (Keep in mind Kobi is very drunk).

My good-natured parole officer takes me back to her place to watch Goonies. My booze campaign hits a wall when I rest my head on the bed.

Last thing I think I said was "Can I have a glass of water?" before my mind went dark.

Until the next episode.

PS. Remind me to go back to the bar to pick up my jacket