Marraige at Morgan's

The Associate and I were drinking buckets of coronas, when we were called over by a couple girls. We sat down and nattered about the stampede and other useless topics. They asked what we did for a living - we answered truthfully, but I told them I typically lie to women and say I'm un-employed. Sounds better than software developer. They were amused, then asked how old we were ... they were shocked by our answer. Apparently they thought we were around 30 or so.

The one named Juanita tells me I have a nice smile and she likes my teeth. I tell her she has nice bone structure.

We discover Juanita is 28 and her friend is 23. This is when Juanita professes she loves rye and coke. I immediately propose. Juanita gleefully accepts and says I'm cute. I tell her at the reception I want only white buns and that our second dance should be Europe - Final Countdown. She firmly wants brown buns, so we settle on having only white buns at the head table.

As the conversation continues, more of Juanita is revealed. Apparently she has just got out a relationship with a younger man who she brought lunch to everyday. In fact, she was just dumped that night. Oh, and she had recently got out of a 4 year marraige. Oh, and she has a couple kids. But details, details.

Juanita pulls out a cigarette and I tell how much smoking is a disgusting habit. NOTE: ladies, it is - you just look like a tramp with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. ANYWAYS, so Juanita says something that I can't hear over the music, so I just nod and give her a blank smile. She laughs and comes closer ...

"So I should kiss you before I light my cigarette?"

wow, THE most fucking romantic thing that has ever been said to me by a drunk mom. I laugh and she gives me a peck.

We continue drinking ryes and soon Juanita and I are racing to drink all the drinks with straws in our mouths. Kinda like Lady and the Tramp .... only with Juanita playing the part of Tramp. She starts telling me that I could take her home with me and that she'd make breakfast. I am too ashamed to tell her that I have nothing in the apartment to make breakfast with.

The Associate bids adue and heads for home. Juanita asks if I want to go outside to find a pen, so she can write her number down for me. I decline, so she borrows a napkin and pen from the waitress and writes down her number.

Juanita then pulls out another cigarette. I tell her that if she lights it, I'm leaving. She laughs and lights it. So I get up. She looks at me with a shocked look and asks if I'm really leaving (without her)....

"Are you really leaving?" (puts on a fake pouty face)
(smiling) "yup."
"Are you going to phone me?"
"honestly .... no." (smiles)

And then I walk out. Certainly an entertaining night, but fellow Ryeandcokers, it's like feeding time at the zoo. Please, for your personal & moral safety, don't get too close and DON'T bring any of the animals home. What would you're mother say?

It's best they are left in their artificial habitat.

ps. I know Mom, I should have ran away sooner.