Deer are Bitches

So went on an excursion down to Red Deer the other night.

Phoned up El Lechero and arranged to meet up with the crew at the local mall parking lot. When we met up, saw that we had almost all of the Justice Friends present (3 Kicks, DiploMatts, El Lechero, Gradix-J, and myself).

Gradix-J hopped out of the vehicle and peed on the tire of the car beside us. Realized halfway thru that there was a girl in the car who looked a little appalled.

Stopped at a liquor store to buy "ammunition for the assault". Talked El Lechero into purchasing the Canadian Club 100 Proof. Explained that drinking it is like approaching the sound barrier - the ride gets rougher and rougher, panels will be flying off your plane, and smoke will start pouring out. Just when you think you're not going to make it, the bang happens and then its smooth sailing. 3 Kicks said it sounded like poetry the way I put it. Gradix-J bought a thing of Gibson's so we could "shoot from both barrels".

Head to a house party where only one of us knows one person at the party. We all pile in and everyone is in the kitchen/dining room. The Justice Friends and I huddled by the counter and quickly consumed the Canadian Club. After a few drinks we started to gain some confidence...

Heard a disturbing (yet oddly funny) joke from 3 Kicks:
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, two scoops of dead baby

3 Kicks and I had a good conversation about perpetual energy. We came up with a scheme to take a raincoat, put a trough on the bottom of it and have a straw that could reach it. Then when we're in the bar, we could start hitting on women. When they throw their drink on us, we could laugh and say, "haha, you have only made my confidence stronger!" then drink from the trough on the bottom of the raincoat that collected the drink that they threw. Hence perpetual energy with the cycle continuing.

By now we were loosened up and pretty much took over the table. The girl's father (who was having the party) walked into the kitchen. Soon he was sitting at the table with us and drinking double rums. Had a lot of laughs and wanted the dad to come with us to the bar. But alas, his daughter didn't want him to come. Tried working on the mom by offering her some of our ice for her Boones. No dice.

Got to the bar and fueled up on some double ryes. Went out on the dance floor with some of the Justice Friends and a few girls from the party. I tried to get some guy to drop his ass with me for the girls but he wouldn't bite. Continued without him and danced while the girls slapped my ass. Hoping to secure more targets, jived over to another group of girls and showed them The Card Dealer Dance. The girls stopped, looked at me, shook their heads, and one girl gave me two thumbs down. Mayday! Mayday! Pull up, pull up! Showing that they may have won the battle, but didn't win the war, I gave them the Love Guns and moonwalked away.

By now, the girls from the party are heading out because one of their friends is beyond hammered and crying about something. Justice Friends head off and I have them drop me off at a bar to catch last call. Now solo, run into some old buddies and continue my adventure till closing.

After the bar closes, I head off to Boston Pizza for a Chicken Foccocia sandwich and salad. It's so late that they won't sit me, but will let me have take-out. So I take my food and head to a friends to crash. While walking across the park, I run into three whitetail deer (does to be exact). I decide to share my salad with them. I approach, but when I'm a couple meters away, they retreat a bit, turn around and look at me again. We do this dance for a while across the park. I get fed up and tell them that I didn't know that even women in the animal kingdom were teases too.

The deer watch as I try to crawl over a fence, which I eventually roll under. Then I walked off and crashed. End Scene.