A Gay Man From The Netherlands Stole My Socks
Oh man, where to begin!
Finally have time to sit down and write a little about my trip. I know I'm going to miss some things, but I'll try my best.
THE PLANE TRIP
To begin, the plane ride down was ..... interesting. When you have 32 hours of ass time on a plane, you get bored, and things happen. To highlight some of the events, I decided to take my ice cream and scoop it into my coke (that was the size of a Nyquil cup). Well I guess I was too agressive with my stirring and the coke and ice cream float violently foamed up and spewed all over me. The combination of coke and ice cream made it look like I had shat down the front of myself. smoooooth.
And to add to the shame, I started getting viscoius stomach cramps - probably from all the fucking sushi I had ate. There's nothing like the quiet desparate of a man who swears he's going to shit his pants 30,000 feet in the air. And nothing compares to the quiet contempt he has for the fucking old lady that hogs the bathroom he desperately needs to frequent every 15 minutes.
Jordy and Chary laughed .... but it was more like a nervous laugh. Pooping your pants is funny, EXCEPT for when it really happens. And I was teetering on that line.
SYDNEY
Two words for Syndey: bikinis and booze. Alot of drinking happened here. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
After the plane ride we were in the airport and noticed a german girl who was crying on the phone. She ended up sharing a shuttle from the airport with us and we found out that today was her birthday and she was travelling alone. This is how we met Sophie. I gave her our address for our hostel, but later received a note from her saying that she was a little too scared to travel in Sydney, but would love it if we'd come to her hostel.
We did. And she's been travelling with us ever since! And we ran into a guy from Vernon. BC that was travelling by himself too. Enter Brett. Girls are attracted to his innocence - like cheetahs on a sick gahzel. I am so happy to have a buddy that's not packing a set of ovaries.
Back to bikinis that I mentioned earlier. We ARE the fattest nation. Coming here, the women are slender beauties with some of the smallest bathing suits I've seen. And wearing tops is completely optional. I love my country. I really do. But these girls ..... it's going to be tough to go back. And I know I've probably lost some female fans with that comment, but deep down I'm sure they understand my comments.
Like the one beach we went to, Bondi Beach, we were walking along and the girls mention they have never seen this many boobs in their life. I look up from the sand to ask what they are talking about, and my jaw drops (alittle). All around us are women naked except for g-string bikini bottoms, and some even have those undone. THIS is my graceland.
BRISBANE
Head to Brisbane and grab an apartment. There is a beach right downtown where we live, so we head there alot whenever we feel bored (and when Brett and I want to look at boobs). I worry that I am becoming desensitized. One time, three french girls took of their tops in front of me, while a couple german girls with splashing in the water wearing school girl outfits. And I had a camera. And you know what I did? Nothing. To the male community, I apologize for how I acted.
Oh, showing it's a small world, I ran into a couple girls from Calgary. I had met them in a bar, Melrose, one time when a group of friends and I decided to drink the gayest drinks we could find on the menu. (which is the Fish Bowl if you were wondering). Anyways, the girl recognized me by my 'I Love Hanna Girls' t-shirt. We chatted and ran into them a couple times. One girl even bit me after I told her she was too close to me and I didn't want to dance with her, but was wondering where her sister was. There is such evil fun in being an asshole.
The Irish and Scottish can drink. This is NOT a myth. I hung out with a couple guys while the girls tried to hit on boys for some free drinks. Not wanting to get in the way of their play, I thought I should keep my distance and let them work their magic...
What ended up happening is that I wasn't really in the conversation with the couple guys (as they were having their own) and would look at me funny when I would interject with a "HA!" when one of them said something funny. I would then sheepishly smile and go back to drinking my rye and coke. With nothing to do but drink .... I drank .... and drank. By the end of the night I was getting jealous that Charly was trying to get free drinks (which was the plan all along!) and was using the glass to keep my head up while I sang Kenny Rogers' 'the gambler' and cheersing the guys beside me who I was NOT in a conversation with. I eventually had to drag myself to the dorm and practice my cat curls over the toilet.
Sadly I am out of time, hopefully I can write more later!
Oh, and a gay man from the Netherlands stole my socks and my hoodie! (while I was staying at a hostel). We should bomb them.