Hot Ali Not Looking So Hot

I start my day at the hospital with a little trip to the labratory for some bloodwork. I notice the HUGE group of people waiting in the waiting area to go in and get their tests done. Lucky for me, I have the word STAT written right across my requisition form. I felt so very V.I.P-ish. Smiling to myself and thinking "so long suckers, I get front of the line!" The nurse takes one look at me and instantly starts babying me. This was before she read my age. I guess I appeared to her as some scared 14 year old or something because after she said "OH, you're twenty" she showed no mercy digging around my arm for a vein.

Once my bloodwork was all done, I go up to the day surgery floor. The nurse made me put on this one-size-fits-all hospital garb. I tell you, there HAS to be some fashion input into those gowns. They leave EVERYTHING to the imagination. There's no sassy little slit up the leg or any off-the-shoulder kind of hint....just blue gown, blue pj bottoms and a blue robe. Could they pick a more depressing colour??? If it were up to me, I'd make hospital gowns really special. And comfortable. They'd be made out of the softest terry towl and would come in some sort of colour combination such as chocolate brown with tan embroidery or something.

Anyways, on to the surgery. Lucky for me, I was knocked out completely. It's like I fell asleep then five minutes later I was awake. THe only bad thing that came out of that was that I had to have a breathing tube stuck down my throat. So as you might imagine, I have no voice and when they removed the tape supporting the tube, they also removed a portion of my upper lip. Like that Spanish prostitute in Kill Bill 2. :D

So, I'm in my hospital room, all comfortable and warm when I notice that I have no clothes on. I have my gown just covering me with one of my arms in one of the sleeves. Great, I'm half naked infront of my family AND some of my friends. I could care less at this moment. I can't feel anything, the dopey look on my face co-ordinates well with my used and abused hospital gown. Seriously, WHAT drug addict WOULDN'T want me? :D Best part of all, when the nurses made me get up and walk to the bathroom, my gown made me bare my butt to EVERYONE in the room. Normally I wouldn't mind showing my butt, I think it's potentially a nice butt. However, after surgery, my entire midsection was (and still is) swollen. From my stomach to my thighs.

On the ride home, I became VERY carsick because the anesthetic was still wearing off. My dad's idea of a smooth ride was tailgating the drivers infront of him, then slamming on the breaks. So, I let him know how sick he was making me....Oh boy did I let him know....ehehehhehe that barfbag REALLY came in handy.

I somehow inherit the name of Mr. Burns. Apparently, my family thinks it's comical that I walk all hunched over. I can't stand up straight. It's really attractive being all permanently bent over.

My new best friend (and I say that with all the sarcasm in the world) has caused me non-stop pain. It was supposed to be a small tube that came out of my abdomen. Surprise surprise, it's sticking out about 5-7 inches away from my stomach. I no longer have my cherished belly button piercing, they made me take it out and I can't put it back in because there's a huge bandage across my stomach. Once this is all over and done with (transplant included), I plan on celebrating my new health with a brand new belly button piercing.

Anyways, Rye and Coke fans, as grim as something like this can be, I do have a sense of humour about everything. I'm not upset that I have to put up with this stuff, it's just another step that I have to take. Once all of the initial post-operative pain goes away, I'm sure that I'll be back to my old self again, minus the flawless six pack ;)

Hope you still enjoy reading my stories. There shall be more to come.

-Hot Ali