Christine Columbus

ok here's the plan, first dialysis, THEN rob the bank.

Ali and I went to her first dialysis training session today. Ended up learning alot and meeting a friendly nurse named Forin - very cool guy. He also can fix microwaves! He had found one in the back alley and had repaired it - asked if we needed a microwave.

He taught us about dialysis and the options Ali had. One of which was to use a machine at night. Now to back up, I'll explain a few things first.

Ali had surgery to get a catheder in place. It enters into her adomen and into the cavity that surrounds the guts (scientifically speaking). What the catheder allows is for special fluid to be filled into this space. The fluid then absorbs the toxins from the surrounding body - essentially acting like a kidney. Ali then has to empty this fluid every so often and replace it with clean fluid. Like an oil change in a car. And that's Continuous Ambulatory Peritoneal Dialysis for Ali.

Here is a flash animation to explain how Peritoneal Dialysis works.

Anyways, besides manually exchanging the fluid - Ali can have the option of a machine that will do this numerous times for her while she is sleeping. I, of course, had to ask about what effect this had on "evening .... social activities". Fiorin laughed and explained that if you were creative and open, that Ali could still have 'Evening Activities', though Fiorin joked he hasn't received alot of feedback from the patients in that area of their treatment. He deals alot with much older patients. But he commented the machine doesn't monitor that kind of stuff, and doesn't have a video camera or anything, so feel free to be intimate.

I told Ali that her boyfriend could be the Christopher Columbus of PD Intercourse. But she said that for now it'll just have to be her, so it'll be Christine Columbus that will brave the uncharted waters.

We joked that given the scenario, with an intimate moment and her hooked up to her dialysis machine, it'd be fun to set up a recording of a robotic male voice beside the machine and have it bark out "faster! ...... right there..... that's the spot ...... medium pace ..... you may be monitored for quality assurance! ...... kiss her .... slow down ... my turn to fill her with fluid" And if there is any protests from her boyfriend, just look at him dead-pan serious and say "you should really listen to the machine - it knows what I like".

We left for lunch break and had came back a little early to Ali's room. The door was closed and said 'occupied' - took us five minutes to build up the courage to knock. Alot of "you do it" was said between the two of us. Didn't want to come walking into someone else's treatment, but we eventually found out that the door said 'occupied' ..... because we were occupying it.

Fiorin had left the room for awhile, and I had the great idea of moving the bed and taking a picture of me pretending to give birth with Ali coaching me. But Fiorin came in too soon. He smiled, but didn't ask too many questions (thank god). THAT would have been difficult to explain.

The first day of training went well. I have to say Ali is being very brave and has an awesome attitude about all this. Very proud to be a friend of hers.